I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
