my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my liver is dry heaving
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