You smell like stripper and shame
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
