You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
