Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
