it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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