oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
