ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
