It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it hurts more in the daytime
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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