do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
