Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
