I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
