Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
