my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
