Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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