$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize