FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
