Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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