And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
