We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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