I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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