writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
