i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
