I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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