It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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