a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
