hell yes lets make some ravioli
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize