I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize