You can't motorboat a personality
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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