Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize