I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm both gender and math confused
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize