I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Rumble strips road head = magical
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
