She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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