All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
