well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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