Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
