im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
