You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
