You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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