i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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