If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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