we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
