thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
