my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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