How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
