i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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