she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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