I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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