Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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