Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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