Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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