He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize