Your face is a jimmy john
I love black thongs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
