Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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