When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
