So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
