I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
