I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
