I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
