She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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