I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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