I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
