1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if only i could text you this smell
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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