I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
