Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
