i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
