i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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